I have been leading a double-life here on the internet. On the one hand I have my Xanga-- where I bring my lightheartedness and occasional serious ramblings on my awkward opinions about women. I haven't really spoken too much about my spiritual life here and, in all honesty, I've been too embarrassed and shy to put my deep personal journey here.
I keep a tangible journey that is known in my house as "Mommy's-Forbidden-to-touch-Jesus-Journal
". It's where I write my letters to God, Jesus, and sometimes my G.A.. It's filled with mostly questions, pleas, and thanks to Him for both the wonderful blessings and the difficult blessings. Well, I decided a few months ago that I wanted to share some of these intimate conversations with people whom I trust very much; four of you being friends that I've made here. So I made a new blog on a different site where I put some of these entries from my journal.
I wasn't and am still not too sure what exactly I expected to come from this new blog other than to just share with others my walk with Christ. But it has come to a point where I kind of feel that hiding this blog is... wrong, in a sense. I feel as if I am hiding away who I truly am (not to say that I have ever lied about how I feel or think here) and hiding him away, too. I guess part of it is that this blog and my journal are like my babies. They hold my deepest feelings and thoughts about my spirituality, my religion, situations in my life, issues that I have faced; and even online I omit certain things; change names or simply use "he", "she", or "them", and just omit particular pieces all-together.
I just don't want to continue to hide Him away and to hide my personal relationship with Him away out of fear of what others may say about it. I know it may not seem like that big of a deal but at the point I'm at now it's boiling down to having to make a decision; accept Him wholly and overcome this fear or to continue to put Him second in my life and remain in this emptiness.
( I guess it kind of defeated the purpose of posting this when I don't add the link to the other blog. >.< Teach me to post so late at night anymore. http://abidog12.blogspot.com/
- And thank you to everyone for your support and encouragement. It is very much appreciated. =) )*