Before my nearly two-year hiatus from Xanga I posted mostly about my oldest son, Aidan. He was two-years-old at the time and had been diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and bi-polar disorder. This came after a whirlwind of aggressive behavior, speech delay, and some fine and gross motor delays. He was originally under the care of ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) that offered home services to children with a wide-range of disabilities.
    
     Twice a month he would see a speech pathologist and once a month, a physical therapist.  At the age of three his services through ECI ended and he qualified for a program called PPCD (pre-school program for children with disabilities) through the public school system in our area. This program was amazing. The teachers and the aides were amazing as well. They kept me very well informed of his progress or his regressions, they did wonderful art projects and field trips, all while allowing us parents to be as involved as possible. Then we moved to another school system with the same program but this one wasn't the greatest. I still got daily updates but the only thing to tell me how he did that day were smiley faces that would range from big smiles to frown faces.

     A little while after starting this new school my husband and I began to notice that some of his previous behaviors and aversions had begun to diminish. He started to talk a lot more and much more clearly. He was able to express his wants verbally instead of pointing or with sign language. Good steps!

     With these and a few more changes in his behavior and development I took him back to the Child Psychologist who decided to have Aidan re-evaluated. Then all of the good things that had been happening came crashing down.

     He gave Aidan a puzzle to do and when Aidan couldn't do it, the doctor turned to his colleagues whom I'd allow to sit-in on the evaluation, and said, "as you can see he has no functional problem-solving skills". I wanted to cry. Hearing that hurt and in all honesty it pissed me off.

     In the end his conclusion was that Aidan did NOT have ASD but he did, however, diagnose him with ADHD and ODD. He also stated that Aidan will, in the future, more-than-likely be diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I honestly felt like we had just started back from stage 1.

     Following this new diagnosis came the medications. One to help with the hyperactivity and attention (I believe it was called Methodone) and an anti-depressant that was added later for his emotional outbursts. The doctor also gave me tips on how to handle his outbursts and sometimes hour-long tantrums.

     While the medications worked and helped the doses kept having to be upped and my husband and I finally decided to take him off of the medicine. He was our son and loved no matter how he acted. We stopped looking so much on how we could change his behavior but how we could change our own as well. Til this day there are things that we cannot go do and places that we cannot go simply because he'll have a sensory overload and start going nuts (like a kid in a candy store).

     Today he's doing great! He's adventurous, active, smart, creative, and very much a four-year-old little boy. He's a daredevil and is constantly testing the limitations of gravity and physics. He loves building extravagant train tracks that stretch one room to the next and is a great big brother! He enjoys cleaning his room and often does so without having to be asked and he also loves to help me with the laundry and dinner. He is such a blessing in our lives and definitely brings a uniqueness to our family. There is never a dull moment with him and we wouldn't have it any other way!





Disclaimer: This post is not intended to try and sway the argument of medicating or not medicating a child either way. Nor is it to pass judgment on parents and what they choose to do in regards to their children.

     Never once did the words "You're wrong for being gay" come out of my mouth. Never once have I told you that you were soulless or going to hell. You were my best-friend and I cared more about pleasing you and appeasing you than what other people thought of me hanging around you.
   
     You think that you have crossed the world for me and for my children. You feel responsible for so many good things in our lives and you need to stop it. Yes, you were a great happiness to us and we love you but you are so poisonous. With the way that you think and the things that you demand from people, you are.
    
     I did not decide to end our friendship because you are gay. I decided to end our friendship because I'm plain and simply tired of fighting for it. And that to me means that maybe I shouldn't call myself your friend in the first place. I have always been a sucker for you and I cannot explain to myself why. You have this "if you're not with me then you're against me" mentality and it's so dangerous. You only stop to think about the things that you have done for me and how great of a person you've been to me that you never stop to think of what I have done for you.

     I went to your civil union and stood behind you as your best-woman and I was happy for you; that you had finally found someone worth staying faithful to. I went knowing what I was going to be faced with once people found out that I had gone and chose you over them. I chose you over my "ridiculous religion". But I bet you didn't even know that, did you?

     It's time for a little honesty with yourself. Look, truly look, at the way that you treat her, the way you demean and condescend her and then make the realization that you do the same to almost everyone. You have overstepped so many boundaries and when you do it's someone else's fault.

     You have an utterly selfish perception of love and I pray that one day you won't. I don't care who you end up spending the rest of your life with whether it be a man or a woman. I care about the fact that you can't look past the end of your nose to see how you really treat people.

     You know what they say about assuming? It makes and ASS out of U and ME. And lo and behold it did, did it not? That's why I didn't even bother trying to explain to you what I meant. You will believe what you want to believe and who am I to try and take that away from you? I truly truly wish the best for you. You deserve it and that isn't sarcasm. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy.

    
    

I wanted to share these lyrics from Mumford & Sons. This song has helped me through my bad days and long nights. =)